7.27.2002

OMG. so ready to kill the rents. THERE IS NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RAY AND ME!!! >:O he's a guy, he has better friends. big deal. why do i hafta have such fucking asian parents?!?!?! so fucking old fashioned!!!! im never gonna do that w my kids. i swear. i cant wait. i have 5 more days till i leave for berkeley and davis. gonna go visit rachel and then orientation. i'm gettin outta this hell hole. hooray. i got put on prozac today. oh what fun. they think i might have ADD so who knows. ADD and Depression sometimes come hand in hand. oooh boy. cant wait. ah! why is my life so fucked up. why am i so fucked up. freakin a. i swear half of my problems would be gone as soon as i leave for college. too bad i dont leave till the end of sept. but im going to taiwan. so that should be ok. its gonna be freakin hot tho. whew. oh well. agh!. what the hell is wrong w me?! so many problems. now they think ray has depression or mental problems too. omg. im gonna kill someone i swear. im never gonna get outta this alive am i. why is it that everytime i get mad i cry. the madder i get, the more i cry. pisses me off. i dont usually cry because im actually sad. that just makes me sad. but most of the time i cry is when im mad at something. grrrr!!!!! freakin a. im gonna....AAAAAH!!!! >:O

7.22.2002

went shopping for college stuff yesterday. it was alright. i got some pretty cool stuff. :) im kinda excited to go to college now. even though im deathly afraid. lol. oh what a combination. at least i'll have liz to come visit me ;) we started making teddy bears. mine's gonna be so incredibly retarded cuz i'm like that. lol. oh well. woohoo! im gettin a new computer this week. well it's coming this week. im so excited! woohoo!. haha

7.17.2002

my theory about my college career...

im not gonna pass any of the placement tests that im gonna take at summer advising but after that im gonna be put on academic probabtion for fall and winter quarter and then im gonna get kicked outta davis and im gonna end up in Mesa or some other JC and then im gonna get disowned and im gonna steal the van and run away and live in my friend's closet and then theyre gonna arrest both of us for kidnapping and then we're gonna live in jail and eat good jail food for awhile and then get dry anal raped....and i dont knwo whats gonna happen after that

isnt that a great theory!? and this all came about because i have no self discipline :-D

7.15.2002

yea i got really mad and depressed last night. here's why...its an away message i put up on AIM

fuck this shit...if you dont wanna hang out w me then just say so. dont keep giving me false hope. my self esteem is already low as it is. i dont need it to be fucking lower. >:o i mean...you could actually call when you say youre going to you know. instead of just leaving me fucking stranded there. you know who you are.

yea i was kinda mad. but the anger turned to depression. so now im depressed again. oh waht fun.