Oh Boy

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Mon, 04 Nov 2002 21:57:00 +0000

why is it that i feel like i have no direction in life? why is it that i feel like whatever i do, i can't make my parents happy. i know that they just want what's best for me, but don't you think i know what the best for me is? i mean...cmon! it's me! i may not be perfect. nobody is. but i'm not such a horrible person that people have to think that they need to control my life all the time. i'm freakin 18, i think i know how to deal with whatever comes on my own. if i need help, i'll go get some. i don't need people telling me what to do and what not to do. what is up with that? i feel like....well lost. i feel happy at times, but i dont know if i'm truly happy, or if i'm just hiding it like i was before. i worry about other people too much, i'm too sympathetic. i need to be more empathetic, but when i'm empathetic, i turn into a conceited little bitch, yet when i'm sympathetic, i'm miserable even if everything in my life is going great. i just don't know what to do anymore. i dont know if what i'm doing is really what i want to do. i think it is. but i'm not sure. i'm so bored with life. i just want it over. how depressing. i actually went to get help today...i hafta go back in an hour to see a real psychologist. fuck. i hate how i need a shrink. i hate how i get everybody else worried about me and i can't do anythign about that. i hate how...i dont know...how everything about me is just so fucked up. everything's annoying me right now. i thought i was all better. but i guess i was wrong. i'm back to where i started. this sucks. i wish i was back in high school. i wish i was a little kid, without a care in the world. i wish i didn't have all this responsibility. i wish...oh i wish oh so many things.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 03 Nov 2002 00:32:00 +0000

wow...i haven't written in a long ass time. and things have happened...

i started college...for the most part it's pretty fun. but i'm getting pretty bored in cow-town. i mean...the classes are way too easy. i feel like i don't have anything to do for them. i'm taking chinese, math, and english. and for the most part...all three classes are way too easy. not even a challenge. this is such a joke. the weekends are kinda boring. i feel like i haven't made any close friends yet though. kinda depressing. everybody goes out to party and i'm not really into that stuff because one...there's way too many drunk people and two...i don't really know very many people....so it's kinda pointless :-/ *sigh* oh well. i miss my friends back home a lot. thank god i'm going home next weekend. i wish i lived closer though. *sigh* oh well...can't do anything about that.

i'm on my way in turning into a nor cal girl...i caught myself saying "hella" twice last night within the span of 5 minutes. hmmm...i say gnarly and sheisty and all that shit...i'm not a total nor cal girl yet. not until i say the phrase..."hella tight" (that doesn't count)...according to kevin.

there's a boy...that's all i'm gonna say...cuz i dunno if there's anybody i don't want reading this reading :)

halloween was sooo crazy...so many drunk people. so much craziness all in one night. it was fun though...and i didn't even go out! haha

what else is there to say....uh...i don't remember...oh well...i guess i'll try to write more often....who knows

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 13 Sep 2002 14:30:00 +0000

Last night was horrible. i managed to stay awake till 9 in the evening, couldn't stand it anymore and went to sleep. i hate jet lag. anyway...i got in a fight with ray. well not really. i was just really really mad because he decided that he had the right to criticize me, even though he doesn't. He criticized me about the most sensitive things also. it sucked. He has no right to criticize me. i'm not perfect and neither is he. i told him that i wasn't perfect and he said well you should be. i was like...what the hell. it's not right. i don't get why he keeps doing it. my dad says it's because he's jealous, but i'm not so sure about that. even though i hate him like crazy, it still hurts when he says all those mean things. this is great for my self esteem. my own brother things i'm fucking horrible. *sigh*

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 12 Sep 2002 20:02:00 +0000

my schedule for the fall, 2002 quarter... (you might hafta scroll down a bit)

Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
MAT 061A 1410-1500		MAT 061A 1410-1500		MAT 061A 1410-1500
CHN 001BL 1610-1700	CHN 001BL 1610-1700	CHN 001BL 1610-1700	CHN 001BL 1610-1700	CHN 001BL 1610-1700
WLD 057E 1810-2025		WLD 057E 1810-2025

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Tue, 10 Sep 2002 03:28:00 +0000

These past three weeks have been the most unbelievable three weeks i've ever had. it's been a mixture of fun, work, stress, hecticness, and depression. but it was mostly fun. I went to Taiwan no knowing exactly what was going to happen to me. I didn't know what kind of person i would turn out to be or anything. The first week, i was kind of lonely and i still wanted to go back to san diego cuz i didnt know anybody yet. but the people i worked with were really nice to me and they listened to my ideas and were supportive and what not. yet there was this one lady who was kind of a bitch. she asked me whether i wanted to lose weight or not while i was in taiwan. ordinarily, i wouldnt be offended, but this lady isn't exactly very thin either...actually far from it. i didnt even know her either.

The first weekend i was there, i went to Kaoshung to see some of my family. I saw my grandparents and my uncle and aunt and their two kids. i also hung out with one of my older cousins there for like a day. that was really fun. we went and drove around lost for a long while. I took a really cool picture with his digital camera of the sun peeking out of the clouds. it was really pretty.

During the second week, it got more fun at work because i started getting familiar with the people and we started joking around a lot. That's when i got to know Vanessa and Web pretty well. Starting that week, it's like i came outta a shell. We started picking on each other and two of us would team up to pick on the third person. Naturally, it usually ended up being me and web vs. vanessa. It was great fun. That was when they found out that i laugh a lot. They didn't believe me when i told them that i laugh a lot in the states also. It's funny. I probably bugged them sooo much. Even though they both deny it, they know they love me ;)

Hedy thinks I ask strange questions. Jamiee thinks it's funny. Everybody else just think i laugh a lot. Web thinks I bug him too much ;) Vanessa thinks i bug her too much too. They all love me. they know then do ;) heehee.

Vanessa became like a sister to me. I felt like I could tell her anything and not be judged...except for when it came to food...she thinks i eat too little. I wish i had her metabolism. she eats so much yet she's still so thin. we went to the night market to get food one day and then we went to this big computer place, but it was closed. Little did we know that they close every 2nd and 4th tuesday of the month. at the night market...i ate very little and she ate her own thing and then helped me eat mine. it was great. the whole time she was berating me ;)

The next day, web and vanessa took me and ivy out to dinner at this italian place. when i ordered a margarita, they wouldn't let me drink it all cuz they didn't wanna get me drunk. so i ended up splitting it with ivy and vanessa.

That friday, everybody was going to the water park to go play. but i decided not to go. instead...i went to TaiZhong to see my cousins and my aunt and uncle. I stayed that weekend. On saturday, i was riding their bike and when i was getting off, my pants got caught so i fell and scraped my elbow pretty bad. That kinda sucked.

On the last monday there, web brought me to the computer place again cuz it was actually open. There are two stories at that place and we went to the top story first, and then as we were about to leave, i asked him what was in the bottom story. At first, he was gonna bring me down there to see because they had books and stuff but then he thought about it and was like...oh wait...theres porn down there...mebe we shouldnt go down there. so we ended up not going. he wouldnt let me run down the up escalator either, but thats because he didnt want me falling and cracking my head open. or that's what i'm assuming ;) After we got his computer stuff, i made him bring me to toys r us. leme tell you...that was a huge disappointment. It's so small and you can't play with anything. it's ok...somehow i still managed to have fun. ;)

Tuesday was my birthday. It was weird. I got really depressed that day. I couldn't figure out why. I turned 18. That night, they took me and alan (it was his birthday too...but he turned 25) to dinner at this place in the mountain. we sat outside. it was soooooo beautiful. we got to see the lights of taipei city from there. it was amazing. i left early though, because i still had to work overtime. I got home, and i was like...oh crap i don't have the software i need to work on this. but i still managed to get only 4 hours of sleep that night. i dont know how. but i did.

The last wed i was there was soooo hectic. Web decided to give me all the stuff that i needed that day. I had an output meeting on Thursday. which meant that i had to finish as much as possible by wed. I worked from 9 in the morning to 930 at night. it was crazy. i was exhausted. i felt even worse for web though because he had so much shit going on.

On Thursday, the typhoon came. kinda. ive never been in a typhoon before. everybody made a big deal outta it. i didnt really see why though. apparently...typhoons are dangerous ;) i wanted to go play in it, but nobody would let me. *shrug* what can you do. I got so overwhelmed that i got depressed. i'm not sure how that makes sense, but it works. i started crying and vanessa helped me through it. i couldn't have done it without her. i'm so glad she was there to help me. web was supposed to help me with the output presentation, but he didnt show up because of his eye exam. so i freaked out cuz i didnt know what to do. it was horrible. i was crying in vanessa's office thingy and i figured i had gotten a hold of myself by the time web called to tell me what to do, but nooooo...i burst out crying again. i was embarrassed. but it was cool...both of them were really understanding and they worried about me. but i got a hold of myself in time for the meeting and i kicked ass. :)

Friday...there was no work...the typhoon had come. Saturday was when i left...while i was packing, i talked to both vanessa and web. you know the whole multi-tasking thing is what i'm good at ;) heehee. vanessa called first and had asked whether i had called web yet...i had forgotten...naturally...so i told her i would after i hang up with her. we ended up talking for like an hour. i love her. :) then after we hung up, i called web and woke him up. felt kinda bad, but he said it was alright and so we talked while he slept (if that's possible) and i packed. i hung up with him just in time to leave. :)

On the plane on the way back to the states, i got really sick. i felt like throwing up. i tried...but nothing came up. so i went to sleep. it was horrible. but then when i got into the car i felt even sicker. we had a 2 hour drive to get home, considering we got into LA and not SD. before we got to irvine, i had managed to throw up...of course not much came up because i hadnt really eaten much...well anything really. my brother had just said...can you turn the other way and my mom had just given me a bag just in case...and right after she gave me the bag...i threw up. after that i went to sleep. it was great.

so yea...that's my trip in a nutshell. i had so much fun. ive never wanted to go back to somewhere as badly as i wanna go back to taiwan right now. Professor Wu wants me to go back during all my vacations...summer and winter. i want to. :)

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 28 Jul 2002 06:16:00 +0000

OMG. so ready to kill the rents. THERE IS NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RAY AND ME!!! >:O he's a guy, he has better friends. big deal. why do i hafta have such fucking asian parents?!?!?! so fucking old fashioned!!!! im never gonna do that w my kids. i swear. i cant wait. i have 5 more days till i leave for berkeley and davis. gonna go visit rachel and then orientation. i'm gettin outta this hell hole. hooray. i got put on prozac today. oh what fun. they think i might have ADD so who knows. ADD and Depression sometimes come hand in hand. oooh boy. cant wait. ah! why is my life so fucked up. why am i so fucked up. freakin a. i swear half of my problems would be gone as soon as i leave for college. too bad i dont leave till the end of sept. but im going to taiwan. so that should be ok. its gonna be freakin hot tho. whew. oh well. agh!. what the hell is wrong w me?! so many problems. now they think ray has depression or mental problems too. omg. im gonna kill someone i swear. im never gonna get outta this alive am i. why is it that everytime i get mad i cry. the madder i get, the more i cry. pisses me off. i dont usually cry because im actually sad. that just makes me sad. but most of the time i cry is when im mad at something. grrrr!!!!! freakin a. im gonna....AAAAAH!!!! >:O

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Tue, 23 Jul 2002 02:36:00 +0000

went shopping for college stuff yesterday. it was alright. i got some pretty cool stuff. :) im kinda excited to go to college now. even though im deathly afraid. lol. oh what a combination. at least i'll have liz to come visit me ;) we started making teddy bears. mine's gonna be so incredibly retarded cuz i'm like that. lol. oh well. woohoo! im gettin a new computer this week. well it's coming this week. im so excited! woohoo!. haha

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Wed, 17 Jul 2002 19:39:00 +0000

my theory about my college career...

im not gonna pass any of the placement tests that im gonna take at summer advising but after that im gonna be put on academic probabtion for fall and winter quarter and then im gonna get kicked outta davis and im gonna end up in Mesa or some other JC and then im gonna get disowned and im gonna steal the van and run away and live in my friend's closet and then theyre gonna arrest both of us for kidnapping and then we're gonna live in jail and eat good jail food for awhile and then get dry anal raped....and i dont knwo whats gonna happen after that

isnt that a great theory!? and this all came about because i have no self discipline :-D

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Mon, 15 Jul 2002 19:17:00 +0000

yea i got really mad and depressed last night. here's why...its an away message i put up on AIM

fuck this shit...if you dont wanna hang out w me then just say so. dont keep giving me false hope. my self esteem is already low as it is. i dont need it to be fucking lower. >:o i mean...you could actually call when you say youre going to you know. instead of just leaving me fucking stranded there. you know who you are.

yea i was kinda mad. but the anger turned to depression. so now im depressed again. oh waht fun.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Mon, 01 Jul 2002 05:36:00 +0000

went shopping today. got a buncha really cute skirts. and shoes. and i didnt use that much of my own money! woohoo! :-D heehee. i had muchos gift cards :-D woohoo! im done w summer shopping. cept i hafta get a few more tank tops and ill be good :) other than that im good till thanksgiving :) when i hafta shop for winter clothes. blech. eh whatever. i had lotsa fun today. hung out w liz most of the day. it was really fun. :) rachel's leaving tomorrow. for a whole month...well more than that. but yea. i think that idea of giving me a key to her house is a good idea :-D heehee. hope she has a good time. yupyup. wonder what im gonna do tomorrow. hmmm...

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sat, 29 Jun 2002 18:27:00 +0000

yesterday hung out w cliff and liz. all day. i still have cliff's sunglasses. again. haha. went to the beach. then the pool. then liz's restaurant. then to the campground nick had got. it was mucho fun. got my phone wet. didnt work for awhile. but its all good now. never talk on the phone when you're IN the pool :-D heehee. probably going to the beach again. oh what fun! been to the beach so much lately. i feel like im going almost every day. but i havent. :) im gonna have such a nice tan! hopefully. :) goin to the movies later tonight. :) oh what fun! :)

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Tue, 25 Jun 2002 06:17:00 +0000

today went to the beach. i got darker! yay! my legs are still gross tho
after the beach we got into the jaccuzzi. it was fun. jenn got thrown in. i got shoved in. apparently...when that happened i looked like a frog. thats what jenn said.*shrug* then we went to jenn's house and ate dinner. and just sat around and talked. it was lotsa fun. but i got a major headache. *shrug* what can you do.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Mon, 24 Jun 2002 06:08:00 +0000

today i woke up super early to go w jenn to ride her horse. i gotta learn lotsa horse stuff. it was really fun :) and then i went w her and watched these two kids sell lemonade...it was....interesting. made 20 bucks outta that ;) and then came home hung out w eileena for awhile and then went and got food. omg...today i stuffed myself w sooooo much crap. not even funny...well we hung out for awhile....and then we went to red robin for dinner. it was soooooo goooood. stuffed myself silly. kinda like the way you stuff an animal....oop thats a joke w me and eddie. :-D anyway....after that...we went to liz's house and we saw her newly dyed hair. it was really cool. we went w her to in n out and then we went to DQ and i paid for everybody and then i couldnt finish my blizzard thing so i gave it to jenn. so basically jenn had 1 and a half of those things. so yea. today was pretty fun. basically...we ate a whole lot. tomorrow we're going shopping...ugh i hate shopping...but it should be fun considering liz and nick and ryan and jenn and me are all going. :) we'll see how that goes. lol.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 23 Jun 2002 16:56:00 +0000

last night was fun. me liz and james...we finally went mini golfing...after 2 years of planning ;) i think i lost. actually im pretty sure i lost :-D at the first hole, i kinda hit the ball too hard and it went out somewhere...who knows where :-D so liz got another ball for me :-D after that...we went to the arcade just long enough for josh and liz to play one game of DDR. then everybody came to my house and we played some more DDR for awhile. and then we dyed my hair. now its bright red. it looks kinda funky. cuz we ran outta bleach :-D josh's hair is black now tho :-D they came over at like 11 something. they left at 230 in the morning. it was great. this morning i got yelled at cuz the dog pooped everywhere after i went to sleep. ooooops :-D but its all good. :) today im going to jenn's barn w her. then were going to red robin cuz ive never been there. :-D oh what fun!! :)

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 23 Jun 2002 05:50:00 +0000

guess who's bored again :-D

I'm the =-o
Which smiley are you?

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 23 Jun 2002 01:13:00 +0000

MORE PICTURES!!!! its from graduation and stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sat, 22 Jun 2002 06:34:00 +0000

today...oy....

i went to this new doctor. ever since i was little ive always gone to a pediatrician. today was the first time i havent gone to a pediatrician. i went to a MD. i guess thats what theyre called. *shrug*

she found out that i have some problems...
1. i have moderate depression
-this girl who does nothing but laugh has fuckin depression
2. i might have diabetes
- fun
3. im overweight
- everybody knew that already

yea today sucked. after that. *sigh* i spent most of my day there too. and then stupid costco didnt have my pictures out yet. grrr. i was not a happy camper :( blah.
hopefully tomorrow i'll go minigolfing w liz and james. i hope that actually happens tho. *sigh*
today just sucked. thats basically it. :-/

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 21 Jun 2002 18:49:00 +0000

i got bored again :-D

Test - Who Are YOU?">

You're honest, good-hearted and always with a good sence for right and wrong. Your friends
have your full support and love you for being who you are. You don't want to fuss about everything and sometimes you loosen the "rules" a bit if you think
it's really necessary.

Who are YOU?

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 21 Jun 2002 05:54:00 +0000

today was...interesting...in the morning...i cleaned under my bed. :-D It's so clean now! :-D then i went to costco to pick up my pictures..but too bad they only had my mom's pictures and they didnt have mine :( grrrr. then i went to target so that liz could get a cd wallet book thing and i could get a car air freshner so that my car doesnt smell like its rotting. then me and liz went back to my house and we had a homemade facial. it was ...like i said...interesting. im not really into that kinda stuff. but now my face is all smooth :-D and then liz met jenn and her best friend. it was cool jenn met my best friend and i met her best friend. heehee :) thats bout it...thats my day. sounds like fun doesnt it? :) i wonder what ill be doing tomorrow...hmmmm *think think think*

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 20 Jun 2002 18:18:00 +0000

cleaned my room all of yesterday...it was uh...fun? lol...THANKS JENN!! i love jenn :) she's the bomb. she helped me clean!! heehee. in the evening i went out w cliff and liz. cliff finally signed my yearbook. hahaha. while cleaning found emails i had kept from T. i miss those long conversation thingies!! :( oh how sad. nostalgia kicking in. yick. probably gonna go to del mar fair today. oh what fun! :)

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Wed, 19 Jun 2002 04:40:00 +0000

PROM PICTURES!!! :)

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Wed, 19 Jun 2002 04:00:00 +0000

yesterday...slept over at liz's house. it was fun. we slept in a tent :) got soaking wet no thanks to nick. well...it was mostly my fault. but thats besides the point :-D really really fun. :) today parents got mad at me. exhausted today too. weirdness. I'M A GRADUATE!!! :-D

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Mon, 17 Jun 2002 05:11:00 +0000

the last few days have been nothign but fun. :) letsee....thursday we didnt really do anything...friday....me and jenn went to dan's house. i got asked whether i was high or not because i laughed so much. that was great. and something else happened but we wont' go into that ;) saturday....met jon. that was fun. later me and jenn went to jack's house. i played gta3. that was fun :) i killed everybody :) and then we just hung out at jenn's. and then today...i went to azlynn's pool party. 50 people my ass. try 10. anyway...left early. some problems arised. later...me and jenn went to rancho to see her horsies. that was cool. so many horsies! :) chief talked to us :) it was cool. before that we went to jack's and played some more gta3 :-D i love that game. :) heehee. of course, i die all the time, but thats besides the point :-D

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 13 Jun 2002 19:15:00 +0000

yesterday was soooo fun! after school let out...NO MORE SCHOOL!!! WHOOHOO!!!...i slept. :) and then we went to this bonfire shindig thing where we burned all our hw and stuff. it was lotsa fun. we ended up having a fire that was like 10 feet above the pit. (highly illegal) and they kept adding wood stuff. haha. then alfonso added gas...you know for cars? haha it was cool. we stayed later than we expected. :) haha. after everybody left...cliff, boggs, darin, liz and i...we played on the swings for awhile. i was on the phone sitting on a swing...and darin started pushing me and then i started falling off. haha. it was really fun. and then cliff, darin, and boggs started racing each other to see who could go the highest. haha. it was great. so much fun. i love having no school. :) NO MORE HIGH SCHOOL!!! EVER!!! AHH!!! hahaha.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 13 Jun 2002 07:16:00 +0000

yesterday...i put something...but today i forgot what it was. :-D oops my bad :-D